Don’t Miss What God’s Doing in Your Meltdowns
Don’t Miss What God’s Doing in Your Meltdowns
I had a Jonah moment, a while back. It didn’t come in the fashion you might think — not the fashion I would’ve expected, either. God didn’t call me to go do something big or significant that I didn’t want to do. I was just going about my day, doing the small, ordinary things — things that I really didn’t mind doing, for the most part. In fact, the only reason I recognized it as a Jonah moment was because God allowed me to see what I wouldn’t have seen on my own...
A Whale of a Meltdown
“Seventy-eight degrees? How in the world — the air is set to seventy-four, and it’s seventy-freaking-eight degrees in here, right now! It’s so freaking hot in this house!”
“It’s not that hot in the bedroom. Why don’t you stay there and cool off for a bit while the rest of the house cools down?” (My poor, sweet husband, offering a reasonable solution.)
“It shouldn’t have to cool down! That’s the thing!”
“Christina, the stove was on. That always makes the house warmer, this time of day.”
“It shouldn’t, though! Our AC unit should be big enough to handle me making dinner! Why is everything so much harder than it has to be! Nothing is easy! Literally everything is more complicated than it has to be. Everything’s a freaking battle.”
There were some specifics that I left out, but that was the gist of the meltdown I had on that particular evening.
The truth of the matter is that two things — only two things — had not gone as I had hoped they would, that day. Both of which I had prayed about. Both of which I (supposedly) was trusting God to take care of however He saw fit. Both of which seemed to be taken care of, as I saw fit.
And then, mere moments apart, both situations seemed to rapidly come undone. As I fixed my eyes on the once-again unsolved problems (which should’ve already been solved), I could feel the frustration and impatience welling up within me; but I had a handle on it. I wasn’t going to lose my cool.
That is, until I felt my hair sticking to the back of my neck, because I was sweating, because I’d just spent the past hour in the kitchen, slaving over the stove, with an AC unit that is unable to keep up with everyday household activities during Florida summers.
Poor me! Life is terrible! I did everything right today! Why is everything so hard?
Those may not have been my words, but that was my heart. And even as the content of my heart gushed out from my mouth, I knew it was ugly; I knew it was wrong; I knew my response was the exact opposite of what it should have been.
Instead of complaining about literally everything, I could’ve been bringing those two situations back to God in prayers, and thanking Him for a bedroom that was cooler than the rest of the house. But my unabashed complaints kept right on flowing, revealing parts of me that I didn’t even know were there.
A Merciful God
And just like that — while I was still mid-complaint — with certainly no help from me, I received a notification that one of those two situations was (again) resolved. And the words stopped coming out of my mouth. And I was broken by the merciful graciousness of God — that He would take care of my needs, even while I was displaying, for anyone unfortunately present to witness, my utter lack of trust in God’s way of handling things.
And I began to repent. To acknowledge that I had been so wrong, and God was right — even if He hadn’t chosen to “fix” that situation, He would’ve been right.
I apologized to my husband, because he’d been subjected to listening to my complaints.
I thanked God for the ways He had been faithful to answer my prayers, even in seemingly unanswering them. And I reasserted trust in Him — to let go of control in those situations, and to allow God to do whatever He saw fit, recognizing that, what seems like “coming undone” to me may be God doing something I simply don’t understand.
And then I reflected on what had transpired, and God showed me how I’m like Jonah…
I trust God, until I don’t like what He’s doing. And I can convince myself that I’m still trusting Him and that my heart is right and all that, and I will accept His goodness towards me; but then, introduce an aggravating factor — interestingly enough, it was heat for both Jonah and me (Jonah 4) — and the true state of my heart comes glaringly to the surface.
A More Hopeful Ending to Jonah’s Story
I’ve pondered quite a bit why God would have still, so undeservedly, answered my trust-based prayer despite my evident lack of trust. I thought, mercy, of course. But I think it was more than that. I think God, knowing the state of my heart, also knew that His unmerited mercy displayed in that moment — when I was so abundantly aware of how wrong I was — would break me, and bring me to my knees in repentance. And that is His heart for His children.
My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. - Proverbs 3:11–12 (ESV)
God’s discipline is always perfect, tailor-made. Withholding goodness would’ve seemed more “appropriate” — more disciplinary, to me. But God knew, in His omniscience, that the very opposite would result in my brokenness in that instance; and so, that is what He chose to do.
In all of that, the takeaway is this:
God knows what He’s doing, and He’s going to do it in the way that has the best results — and likely, His way won’t look like ours. Lean into it, though, because His way is always better.
Note: This is an adaptation of an article that was first published in Devotable on September 28, 2021.
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