When Friends Aren’t Friends Forever
When Friends Aren’t Friends Forever
Have you ever had a really good friendship you thought would last forever, and then one day, it ended?
Did it leave you reeling and confused and broken-hearted?
Me too.
I bet most of us have experienced this at least once in our lives.
Remember that old song by Michael W. Smith called “Friends” that Christians used to sing or play anytime a church friend/family moved away? (Or is that just what we did at my old church?)
The song was extremely popular back in the ‘80s and ‘90s… and let’s be real, it’s still popular in some Christian circles today.
Smith’s song depicts Christian friendships in an idyllic manner, much like how the Apostle Paul talked about Christian marriages being a picture of Christ and the Church (in that our marriages are designed and intended to depict Christ and the Church, though more often than not, in reality, they fall disparagingly short of that image).
Solomon knew what he was talking about when he gave us this admonition:
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. - Proverbs 18:24 (ESV)
There’s wisdom in choosing our friends (or the people we keep closest to us) carefully, because not every friend will be a good friend, and sometimes, those we believe to be our friends will betray us. Though perhaps we can find some comfort in remembering that even Jesus, who perfectly exemplified what it looks like to be a good friend to others, was betrayed by one of his close friends (Luke 22:1-5, 14-23, 47-53); and Peter, who was arguably Jesus’ best friends pretended like he didn’t even know who Jesus was on the worst day of His life (Luke 22:54-62).
Friendships-gone-bad are, unfortunately, a natural part of a post-fall world. And whether we’re the cause or someone else is the cause, or perhaps both parties are partly to blame (because none of us is a perfect friend, like Jesus), we’ll all experience losing friends in this lifetime — even as Christians.
Because we all still sin, even after having been saved.
Because we all have blind spots when it comes to our character, our actions, and our motivations.
Because some hurts, no matter how quickly we forgive them, cannot be healed nearly as fast (because the process of healing can be complex, and it doesn’t always happen on our timeline, or in our way).
Because we’re all prone to our hearts hardening toward others — especially toward those who have caused us pain, if for no other reason, to keep them from hurting us again.
Because over time, our individual dreams, ambitions, concentrated efforts, and/or callings can pull us and our friends so far in opposite directions that we eventually lose touch.
And because some relationships simply aren’t best for us, or even meant for us, here on this earth.
Please don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to communicate, here. I’m not suggesting that unity among Christians isn’t something we should strive for; it’s the very thing that Jesus petitioned His Father for, when praying for us (John 17:20-23).
And if you or I are aware that we’ve wronged someone, there’s no room for us to just shrug it off, to chalk it up to the fall, and to call quits on that relationship. When we know that we’ve hurt someone else, Jesus taught that we should do everything in our power to make it right (Matthew 5:23-24).
And the Apostle Paul gave us this charge as well:
If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. - Romans 12:18 (CSB)
But sometimes, living at peace with someone who feels that a relationship is no longer good for them — no matter how badly we want to hold onto that relationship, or how good it was for us — means loving them enough to let them walk away.
And other times, we can have done everything we know possible to achieve peace, and someone we love can still be dead-set on sowing discord within a relationship; and when we find ourselves in that situation, sometimes the only way we can live peacefully is to walk away ourselves.
I know that all of this probably seems incredibly discouraging, but don’t lose heart! There is good news for us — both for now, and for the future…
Good news for now
For those of us who have answered the call to follow Jesus, the only friend who’s ever been a perfect friend — He has called us His friends.
“This is my command: Love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.” - Jesus (John 15:12-14, CSB)
And not only that, but He has promised to never leave us nor to turn His back on us, making Him the ideal friend!
“Be strong and courageous; don’t be terrified or afraid of them. For the Lord your God is the one who will go with you; he will not leave you or abandon you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6 (CSB)
And if we have any doubts that this Old Testament verse applies to us today, the New Testament author of Hebrews quoted that passage as a reminder for New Covenant believers (like you and me) that God is always with us (Hebrews 13:5).
This is made possible through the gift of the Holy Spirit whom Jesus promised to send to indwell His followers after His ascension; and this is why He gave them this assurance just before returning to His Father’s side:
“And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” - Matthew 28:20b (CSB)
Even if all of our other friends abandon us or betray us in this lifetime, we have one sure Friend who never will!
Good news for the future
Several years back, while going through a difficult “break-up” with someone who had become a very close Christian friend of mine, I found myself having lunch with a stranger. (For the sake of this story, we’ll call her Sandy.)
Sandy was much older than me, and in a much different phase of life; but despite that, she was going through an extremely relatable experience.
Over lunch, Sandy shared with me that her best friend of many years (we’ll call her Lois) had developed a mental illness. (From what Sandy described, it sounded like Lois had dementia.) Because of this illness, Lois had turned extremely paranoid, and was prone to believing that her former best friend was now her worst enemy.
On her worst days, Lois would call Sandy up on the phone to yell at her, making unfounded accusations and saying all sorts of terrible, disparaging things. And no matter how hard Sandy tried to convince her friend that she was, in fact, still her friend, Lois wouldn’t (or couldn’t) believe her. This broke Sandy’s heart!
I could relate. At that exact time, I was also experiencing someone who had been a close friend of mine saying terrible things both to me and about me. But as painful as my situation was, Sandy’s situation was far more tragic.
At least my friend-turned-foe hadn’t been my longest-running friendship. And at least, in my instance, I was partly at fault for the falling-out. Sandy, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything to deserve losing one of her dearest friends.
Both of our broken friendships, however, were byproducts of lives lived in a fallen world.
Sandy told me that she finds comfort in remembering that, soon, both she and Lois will both be dead. (Wait, what?)
“She’s lost her mind, here,” Sandy said, “and she may never again remember how much I love her in this life. But I know she loves Jesus, and so I know that, one day, she will remember that I do love her; and one day, everything that’s broken in this world will be set right, so I will have my friend again. We won’t be mad at anyone in heaven.”
I was blown away by Sandy’s wisdom and insight! She was completely right! (And in that context, Smith’s song declaring that “friends are friends forever, if the Lord’s the Lord of them” rings true as a promise for the future, if nothing else!)
Because of what Jesus, the best Friend of all time, did for us, laying down His life on the cross for the sins of the world (including yours and mine, and those of our friends — even the friends we’ve lost along the way, or the ones we may still lose in this lifetime)…
For those of us who know Jesus as our Lord and Savior, there will come a day when all wrongs will be righted, when all wounds will be healed, when the love of God will be perfected in each one of us... and on that day, we will all love one another perfectly, just as we have been loved by Jesus.
Like Sandy said, “we won’t be mad at anyone in heaven.” And there won’t be anyone who’s mad at us.
Oh, what a glorious day of unity that will be, and oh, what a friend you and I have in Jesus!
Want to read more articles like this one? Subscribe today for free, and you’ll get blog posts and updates sent straight to your inbox, so you’ll never miss a thing!
